East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
