I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize