I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
