I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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