He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
