In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
