did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We smell like vodka and hangover
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize