i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
