There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
