did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
