People in love make me want to vomit
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
