im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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