He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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