problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I believe in your delicious
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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