It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
