You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
