i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
