Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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