Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize