Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
