I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
