i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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