Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
