I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
