Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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