Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
