Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize