The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
