i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
