My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
