This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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