smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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