; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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