i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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