I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
