you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
