woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
