he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
