U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
