my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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