the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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