Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
