Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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