Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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