There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
