i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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