theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
