hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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