what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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