this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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