Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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