just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i permit you to call me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize