I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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