i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
