So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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