and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
