i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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