Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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