I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
