i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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