me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
