i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize