I just threw up on my dentist
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
