What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
