Fuck appropriateness.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
