Cold hands, warm shart.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
