I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
