I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
