Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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