Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
