The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
