No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
