that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
