you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
