At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
