I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
