I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
