i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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