never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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