I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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