And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
