:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
