Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
