i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
