I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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