too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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