So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
