He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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