doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All the doctor said was why
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
