the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
