we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
