Your face is a jimmy john
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize