He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
