Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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