Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
